Four techniques for keeping your goals in mind during a difficult conversation

People often talk about how important it is to keep your goals in mind in order to achieve them. This can come up in many settings; difficult conversations, mediations, negotiations, etc. It’s not as common for people to come up with ideas how to keep those goals in mind.

1. Write your goals down

In advance of a meeting or conversation, it can be helpful to take the time to write down the goals that you have for that meeting or conversation. Just taking the time to think about the goals and writing them down in advance can go a long way towards helping you fully realize and understand what your goals are. You also have the added benefit of having those goals written down in front of you, which helps you to keep those goals in mind while having a difficult conversation. You can even use your goals as a checklist that you can tick things off of as the conversation goes.

2. Remember to breath before you talk

Often in life we feel a need to respond quickly when someone says something that we disagree with. Sometimes responding right away isn’t the best response. By forcing yourself to take a quick breath before responding to a comment that may bother you, you are more likely to take that breath and think about your goals and less likely to say something off the cuff that might derail the conversation

3. Be open to taking a break

One of the most undervalued tools in having difficult conversations is the idea of taking a break. Most people seem to like the idea in theory, but while in the thrills of the difficult conversation we often think “I’m fine”, “I can do this”, or “this will be bad later on, let me get it over with now”. All of those mentalities can lead to us powering through conversations and not working at our full capacity. If we take a break, we can use that opportunity to refocus and re-analyze if we have actually taken advantage of the conversation to try to meet our goals.

4. Plan out questions you might want to ask in advance

By entering into a difficult conversation with an idea of some of the questions you would like to ask, you are setting yourself up to succeed. These questions can specifically address the goals that you have. By asking questions that tie in to your goals, your likely to get answers that will lead to your goals being met, or at the very least steer the conversation towards topics where your goals will be addressed. Additionally, by having questions planned out in advance you won’t need to think as much about what question to ask on the spot, which can reserve some of that brain power to use for remembering your goals.

The next time you hear the advice of keeping your goals in mind in a difficult conversation or a meeting, you will now be equipped with some ideas about HOW to keep those goals in mind: writing down your goals, breathing before talking, taking breaks when needed and planning out questions in advance.